Everything also gone broken

All my electronic beloging; laptop, handphone, sim card (?) -- half-broken, and not to mention heart, which is now still under construction - going to rebuilt it to a stronger, better heart that it used to be.

I'm mad. and i have nothing to lie about it. every human have such feeling, the difference is that how we manage those feelings. this being here is trying to be a better human, but sometimes she fell too. 

i stumped and sat there for a while.

thinking. thinking hard. what to do, and why..why is this happening all at once?

the broken laptop, the broken handphone + just knew the-not-good news. erghh. 

i've been cheated - not cool. kinda like, hurt?.. mad?.. furious?..all mixed

the person i asked about then laugh at me, for that she knew i've been cheated - that's rude!

now what i'm going to do?.. how am i going to solve this?.. trade in and buy new one?.. or let them fix it and use it like i knew nothing bout it?.. or just let it be and use my old hp??

ohhh gerammmmmmnyaaaa!! >,<

sabar..dear self.

(is furious, but this time not to the point that feels like crying,,just...soooo furious.huk)

***

for the things that happened, i'm not gonna cry. i've cried enough (for the simple heart problem which i failed to handle), not this time. i'm gonna stand strong (hope i can! >,<)

come!

there might be some other bad things coming to greet me, but i'm gonna face it with brave. those bad things might 'kick' and 'punch' me till i collapse, and even cry maybe.. and so, for the tears i'm going to shed, i will try my very best to be a better and stronger person than before. 

i might cry a lot after this. and so, if i forget,  remind me, remind me that i should stand stronger. 

i'm gonna collect back each and every pieces of the broken me, glue them together or knead them all over again to make a stronger me!

Dear Allah, alhamdulillah for all this things You gave me; bad or good, are all just earthly test, for the next eternal life. Indeed Allah is The All Knowing. 

"Innalillah wa-inna ilaihi raji'un- Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return"

in this big ocean

There are times when I feel so scared. as if i was left there in the middle of the deep ocean. alone. 

i know i have Allah with me. that should be more than enough. 

but as a weak human, i still have the fear. scared. i pray for that there will be some other human being that would stand there by me, not just to hold my hands, but to understand me, my feelings and my fear and thus help me to keep swimming,,swimming out of this place up to the surface. 

i have lots of fear, be it bout the live i'm living in this huge world or the coming Hereafter. 

until i can find another human to understand & help me swimming up to surface, i'll try my very best not to drown. i'll try to learn how to swim myself. i have Allah with me. i'll keep trying, because i'm here. still alive. and i want to keep living. living a good live. until Allah asks me to stop and take me with Him.

=)

may Allah grand me this courage. Ameen.

***

last night's dean list was saddening and inspiring. how much i want to achieve to that level too. this time too, i don't know if i will or can try my best, but for the time being that's what i'm going to do. 

asked a friend that we will too, stand a moment like that next semester. that message last night was actually like a promise i'm making with him, that both of us will work our very best to achieve that. but he seem not to know. guess he thought it was just a saying. but hey you there, i was serious actually^^ 

the very friend achieving dean's award last night was awesome. she's always been. and she keeps growing brighter. congratez ne =)

p/s: I love my family, my friends and myself.

=)