down days..silence

I'm just an imperfect small human creature of Allah The Almighty. I slipped and fall sometimes. 

Past few days was not a good-me days. And I made myself sad and bad because of what I feel inside. And last night a friend asked me why am I acting like that. Sorry. I want to answer you, but I guess you better not know the reason. HAHA. Let's not talk about it. 

I talked to my bestie-cuz aka Aliya about it. I told her everything and burst into tears. Can't seem to hold it anymore. Human always want to stay strong, but sometimes there are times when you goes weak. Those are some of the times I fall weak. Sometimes we cannot control what we feel, because the inside me aren't that strong enough. 

Astaghfirullahala'zim. Forgive me, ya Allah. 

Aliya take position becoming my counselor that night. Been console and scolded "kaw2" by her. HAHA! serves me right. But she's right too. It's not that I don't know, but I seem to forget it..and it let me down to this sad, 'down', dark valley. 

After having a half an hour talk with her, I feel much more relieved. Help me clearing the mess inside. The big-looking dust now looked small and insignificant. Thanx to her I'm able to climb back to the surface and feel the fresh, bright breath up.. the feeling of having back real smile and laugh. She's really good at doing 'magic' I supposed. From tears to joy in just a split second. LOL. 

magica. hehe

Can't wait till the end of January. Gonna meet u cuz^^ Ohh how I wish you're here. =(

Found this while tumblr-ing today. HEHE. Found lots of inspiring new page today. How wondeful. Ohho~

Special Common Hols~

This holidays may seem like any other common hols like I've had before. Staying at home. Spending time procrastinating and did nothing.. but somehow there's something, a little, very small different in this hols. This "common" holidays I had this time is SPECIAL. A real special common holidays.

Went to Mira's house November 20th. Did my SIEP there; at (don't remember the name) a place where these three brothers, uncle Rosdin, uncle Mohd Nor, & uncle Halim run a business of goat breeding. They breed & sell goat.

"hey, see my tanduk?"

From the very first time we( Mira & me) met this uncle Mohd Nor & uncle Rosdin, we truly love this place & of course the people too! Uncle Mohd Nor help us a lot with our SIEP. HOHO~

Uncle Mohd Nor tells us everything we need to know about his business. He's handsome nice & polite..it's comfortable to talk and chat with him^^ The place itself is clean and even the goat also looked great! HAHA!

"tiap2 ari saya sikat rambut..eh bulu"

The goats are cute! Like seriously sooooo cute!! >____< One of the male goat (the male Jamnapari) is a smiling goat(I supposed). He loves to smile! guess this is what people say "senyum kambing". What an awkward, cute smile! HAHA!!

The male Boer is so macho. Very masculine. Compared to male Jamnapari, he's quite strong & reactive active. That's why he's being tied up, but the male Jamnapari is let free. Oh well it's ok, they're still friends~

OHH wait2!! There's one little kid was born on our second day there (I think so..or is it third?). Not sure if its a male or female, but I think its a male. hehe~He's soooo cute! The body is all white and he looked like a sheep! baby sheep! HAHA!!

the cutie kid!

like a little human baby, have high curiosity. He's afraid to approach human, but still came to us & when we grab him, he didn't cry like other kid & when we call for him, he came to us. Now how cute is that >_____< ohhhhOOoo!

mira with the high curiousity, cutie kid!

and this one is his cousin

Ok, too much on goat things =__= tettt! change subject!

On Dec 11th, my cousin got married. Stayed at her house for about 2 days. Had a great time with them. Learn to talk with oldies(new experience!!), make friends with little kids, and of course spend time with dearly 2 lovable cousins; Aliya & Wani.

[Confession: I'm not so good with babies, lil kids etc] I like babies & kids. They're cute...from far. Means, if you don't bother them, then ok. But if you kacau2 them, they'll turn to be like Incredible Hulk and cry3!! <--from past experience

HOHH! that's creepy! Some kids might not be like that.. well, the kind, real cute type of kids.

"hye.." =^_^=

haa~ "hai.. I'm cute..nice..good..bla3"

hehe~ But most kids aren't that easy to approach. Especially the one who's like stranger's freak (reject not-so-well-known people/strangers). These type of kiddos layan people that they know or used to them only.

Example, the awkward moment when you see a little kid and say hi to them..

and you're like

but in the end they're just like

Anyone never experience this?.. HAHA!

And in my case with my cuz's daughter; me, who are like quite a stranger or maybe new face to her-REJECT! ghhh! O[]O||

Hey lil girl, THAT'S NOT CUTE. =_=

But after few days (2 days je), I've been accepted into the club!

ehemm I mean into her life(?). Hey Aliya, your niece have accepted me!! LOL Make friends with Adawiyah, Uwais (getting better than before2..hehe) and Iman(Iman..she make friends with everyone=.= LOL).

"Lollipop in hand..the world is mine" The samseng look from Adawiyah

The handsome bachelor- Uwais!!

Then few days before got back to UMK, went to Pangkor Island.. for hols(?). Tho not much activities done, but somehow I can relax..can't find exact adjective to describe. GAHAHAH.. Relax as if I set aside all the things in my head & let myself float with the current wave. HAHAH (too much?)

Like really2 enjoy the term defined "HOLIDAYS"-got time to relax, enjoy, time for you yourself.

Dekmatt & Madiha..duhh I luv this one!

Nukman emo-ing

the POYOs Wafiq! HAHA

Well actually the reason why this hols is special is because I learn to make friends talk, communicate with people, to get into the 'society'. hehe~ Discover how amazing & beautiful it is to be a part of the family..to have families-nanny, cuzs, lil kids etc. That the world isn't just about you and your world, you are just a part of it..a part of the wonderful world, wonderful life of others.

Gain new experience, new ways of seeing things & people as well as new 'item' installed into heart, mind & soul ( cewaahh TVXQ's song-heart, mind & soul). hehe~

If only..I wish..

"If only things was like this.."

Things doesn't always come the way we want it to be. Sometimes I wonder why. People just want to be normal right? Like most people does. It's a norm. So I think it's not wrong for me to wish for the same thing. No matter how freak I am, (well I don't think I'm that freak enough to be way too different or out of the norm) I still seek a normal life, a normal wish, asking normal things like normal people.

Normal. Comes from the word norm I supposed. The way things are & should be. Different people with different believe & way of life might have different ways of defining "normal". All of which goes back to the original term, norm; of human or a society one live.

"I wish.." 

Yes, a wish. Just a wish. Doesn't mean you'll get want you wish. There's no guarantee to it. Like when people make a wish over a shooting star. Whether your wish come true or not doesn't actually rely on that shooting star things, wish, ask etc.. Even if your wish comes true, it's actually has been set. Which mean it's merely a coincidence. No other things/life have power, real power over anything except God- The Almighty Allah s.w.t.. Because He want to give, thats how it'll be then. Even if I found a genie in a bottle, I wouldn't ask for a wish. Being realistic, I'm going to stay to what I believe. (Understand right?..lazy to explain much on this)

For not being able to achieve what I want, for not being able to live or be like what I wish, I get sad. Things like that sometimes brought me down. Because I'm just a normal human freak being, I believe I'm allowed to.. tho I know it's not good. Yahh very bad woo. =_= *sigh* 

I even forgot what I have. Focus on things I don't have, get sad over stupid things and forgot what I already have, forget all this great things Allah gave me. Astaghfirullahala'zim. 

@illy|muzliza.tumblr.com

:: Things aren't be given or taken for fun. There's always reason behind it. Believe ::

KMPP in my heart

where memories were created-KMPP. lawa kan? ^^

Kolej Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang. Aku sangat3 suka tempat ni. Tempat yang pada aku menyimpan banyak memori suka & duka. Cewahh cam jiwang lak. hehe~

Yep KMPP means so very much to me. Kat sini laa aku belaja jadik berani & "gila". HAHA! 

Benda gila pertama aku buat kat KMPP, panjat tangki air sebelah masjid yang setinggi hampir 3 tingkat kat KMPP ngan kawan baek aku, Wani. HAHA~ 

Ceritanya bermula dengan aku (bukan aku sorang, Wani pon!) yang tengah emo sket taim tu. Cam bengong2 aku pon saja2 laa cakap, 

"teringin nak panjat tangki air tu" (sambil berenti tengok tangki air tu ngan penoh perasaan). Beberapa saat pas aku cakap camtu, Wani respon, 

"jom". Slow & selamba je jawapan dia, tapi tegas & serius. 

Aku terlopong jap kat situ dengar respon si Wani. Biar betik budak nih! Tapi Wani ni, sekali dia cakap something, dia bukan main2. Perkataan yang kuar dari mulut dia, bukan ayat main2. Aku pandang muka Wani, mencari jawapan. Betul ke apa yang dia cakap ni?.. Dengan muka selamba, pandang aku & senyum. 

"Jom aa". 

Melompat aku dengar jawapan dia. Excited pon ada, takot pon ada. Yela dah laa baru 2 minggu masuk dah berani nak buat benda gila camtu. Buat nya kena buang matrix sape nak tanggungjawab?.. Seram kot. Sebagai sorang budak yang agak skema, mesti laa aku TAKOT! Tapi aku ikut jugak. Ikut dalam keadaan separa sedar. 

Petang tu kitorang pegi survey dulu tempat tu. Tengok2 pagar kawasan tu kunci. Kecewa. Wani geram, dia tolak2 pintu pagar tu. 

*Tapp!* terlopong kitorang dua.

Pintu pagar yang konon berkunci tu xkunci rupanya! Boleh bukak! HAHA!! Ngan hepinya kitorang tutup balik pagar tu & pusing nak balik ke hostel. Rancangan kitorang hampir kantoi bila taim nak balik tetiba terserempak ngan pak cik yang jaga kawasan tu. Dia tengok kitorang blah dari situ ngan pandangan suspicious gle. Seram kot. Aku dah pucat dah, tapi bila tengok Wani jalan ngan muka selamba & tak bersalahnya aku cepat2 jalan sebelah Wani.. bersama muka cuak aku tu.

Pukul 9 malam kitorang dah siap2; pakai baju itam, seluar itam, tudung itam, kasut..err takde kasut itam. pakai selipar jek. hehe~ Kebetulan malam tu ada ceramah kat masjid sebelah kawasan tangki air tu, ramai la plak orang kat situ. Tapi, buat2 berani gak ngan moto "takpe!" . 

Pelan2 bukak pagar kawasan tangki air tu & seludup masuk. Ngan gaya ala2 polis nak pegi tangkap penjenayah atau gaya askar akhirnya berjaya jugak kami masuk. Cepat2 panjat tangga. Nampak jek macam rendah tapi penat gak lari2 panjat tangki air tu wei! Tercungap2+peluh2 sampai kat atas tu. Tapi memang berbaloi aah. Pengalaman kot! HAHA! Pemandangan agak lawa, nampak lebuhraya, lampu2.. HAHA! seronok. Before turun, kitorang sempat tulis nama kitorang kat dinding tangki air tu. Siap dengan date & time lagi! hehe! Tapi tulis ngan marker silver jek. Tak taw laa skang ade lagi ke tak. huhu~

Pas kuar dari tempat tu, kitorang pegi maen basketball. Pukul 10.++ malam kat gelanggang basketball. Dah lama teringin nak main kat situ waktu malam. hehe~ Malam tu memang sangat seronok. Almost satu jam main tetiba mak guard datang, suluh2 kitorang dari jauh. Mula2 kitorang buat xtaw jek kat mak guard tu. Cewahh belagak! Pastu bila mak guard tu datang dekat baru kitorang cuak. Cepat2 cabut lari! HAHA!

Perhatian: Kanak2 atau pelajar2 jangan laa cuba ye. Tak baik langgar peraturan. hehe~

Secebis memori yang dapat dirakam^^ :

suka jalan2 kat sini petang2

Lab & tutorial

hero2 H3P3

Presentation English drama - Snowrella

Jamuan hari raya..majoriti theme purple rini

bilik kuliah

with Bella! (gelap sket..kat dlm dewan. hehe)

 Betapa KMPP sangat bermakna kat aku, even tengok gambar je pon dah feeling gle. *isk3*

split identity?

Agak malas sket rini sebenarnya (Kat umah memang salu malas pon =_=||).

Tengah online2 ngan malasnya, tetiba kedengaran suatu bunyi yang sangat merdu. hehe

~kimi dake ni aita kata yo~itsu daate aita kata yo~lalala~

Ohh~ jap2 henpon aku rupanya. Ngan semangatnya aku pon lari2 laa pegi angkat tepon.

"Hello?"

.. Teka sape - ALIYA!!

kasi promote sket.. lawa kan dy >___<

haha. Rasa cam freshen, energize, recharge(?) sket pas sembang2 ngan dy. Over sangat ke aku nye description tuh?.. haha! Maksud aku, pas sembang2 ngan dy ase cam xlaa malas lagi. Da lama tak jumpa.. macam2 laa cite yang kuar kan. hehe~ Cam cheer sket pastu. hehe lebih bersemangat! (hiperbolic sket)

Eheh yela bila pikir balek kan, dy jek aku nye kawan baek dari kecik.. yang stays until now. Life: people come & go. So does friendship. But she's different. Maybe sebab kitorang sepupu kot. Mana ley putus kan! HAHA! Maen sesama, gusti sesama (gusti.. aku salu dok tepi jek bila dyorang maen.. yeye aku lembik sket=_=||), kena marah sesama, gelak sesama, kongsi cite sesama. She's straight & loud. Dunno if it's good or bad, but I'm comfortable with it^^

Eyh aku bukan nak cite sal ko laa aliya. Panjang lak essei sal ko. =P

Anyway apa yang dy cakap kat aku tadi sebenarnya yang menjadi topik entry aku arini. hehe. Bunyik cam siyes jek. LOL.

Ada sesape yang ade split identity tak?.. Aku rasa aku ada split identity laa. Means aku saket ke wei?.. sakit mental?!! HAHA!

Bila aku kat umah jek, aku jadik sorang yang cold. Bukan "cool" tapi "cold". Sangat cold. Bila kat umah, aku buat hal senirik jek. Tak suka cakap sangat, tak peduli orang sekeliling, buat hal senirik. Kira macam teori perkembangan moral : teori teleologi- personal egoisme. Hehe apply subjek moral sket.

Tak taw la nape kat umah aku jadik sangat cold. Ngan sume orang pon. Mama, abah, adik2, bibik. Asal aku kat umah jek, I turn to such mode. Automatically. It's like a non-voluntary action. Sama macam bernafas, mata berkelip etc. All pon non-voluntary action. Yeap, so does this "cold" mode acting on me- Non-voluntary.

I'm not me when I'm at home. I mean I am me. But not truly human me. I turn to cold me. Agak kurang berperasaan, takde rasa apa2, quite robotic. HAHA!

Tapi bila kat tempat laen ok plak. Bila luar dari umah. Kat umah kawan ke, sepupu ke, kampung- kat umah tok ke, ok plak. Turn to normal-me mode. I wonder.. kenapa ye?..

ehe~ one of my fave movie. the human-robot! 

Red Balloon

wahhh~ so like a dream huh?.. I wanna live in this dream..seriously!

Balloons are just adorable isn't it?.. Everybody loves balloon. Try ask your little sis or bro, sure they'll say yes to balloon. I like balloon. Especially red balloon. Why red?.. Because red is an official color for cassiopeia. Because I'm a cassiopeia, I love red balloon. HAHA!

red = cassiopeia

Ahha~ at first it was because red balloon is a symbolic of cassies, but then I like red balloon more and more. Not just because it represents cassies and TVXQ but I simply fall for red balloon itself. HAHA! (what a naive confession =__=|| )


Yahh.. almost obsess with red balloon (or is it "I am obsess with red balloon"?!!). I love red balloon so much. Like seriously like "like" red balloons! I get excited over red balloon. Especially hydrogen-filled red balloon. Hey, it flies! Who'ld not like it?! LOL

Someone posted on tumblr today- red balloon along with some part of "Balloon" lyric. Jeez~! I miss that!.. "Balloon" by TVXQ..it's a really nice & cute song. Somehow it feels quite sad..nostalgic(?) listening to the song again. Hey, what's your childhood dream?.. Do you still remember them? ^^


TVXQ-Balloons's lyric (English translation):


during my childhood i dreamed a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying away

if a red balloon flies in the sky my heart remembers beautiful memories

my dream as a child was to ride a red balloon and fly high into the sky
i forgot about that small dream and lived on until now because i grew up so much

but when i'm miserable i want to run around and play like a child
filling a balloon full of my small dreams

during my childhood i dreamed a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying away
if a red balloon flies in the sky my heart remembers beautiful memories

i can't understand why tears come out when i look at the sky
i wonder why you forget that tiny childhood when you become an adult

at times, i too want to just fly high into the sky
with my forgotten dreams and memories

during my childhood i dreamed a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying away
if a red balloon flies in the sky my heart remembers beautiful memories

lalalalala lalalalala lalalalala lalalala lalalala lalala
though time passes though i forgot
will it be possible to contain it in the red balloon

during my childhood i dreamed a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying away

if a red balloon flies in the sky my heart remembers beautiful memories

For us cassie, we believe. TVXQ days stay forever.

I seriously miss TVXQ. The 5 TVXQ. (T.T)

6 Hijau SKBBD

Zaman kanak2 memang cepat berlalu kan?.. Dulu sama2 main2, lari2, blaja sama2 sampai petang..cikgu lak sungguh2 ngan semangatnye wat kelas tambahan lepas kelas. Ehe~ yep sangat rindu zaman skola rendah. Paling suke taim darjah 6. Kawan2, cikgu2, kelas,skolah..sume best! ^^

Salah sorang kawan skola rendah aku de upload gamba taim darjah 6. Wahh~ rindu gle. Aku nye copy mane ntah letak..Isk2, aku ase aku dah TERhilangkan laa gamba tuh. Ciss~ Dulu punya laa simpan baek2, dalam kotak lawa lagik. Tapi ntah cane tetiba jek dah takde. Pandai lari kot barang2 aku (which explains why barang2 aku salu ilang).

6 Hijau SKBBD. Nampak aku tak? ^^ (click on the image for BIGger size)

Thanx to Ezza (tukang upload gambar & tag mengetag) sesi jejak kasih berjalan dengan jayanya! ..reunion kat facebook! Nilah masa nye social network memainkan peranan penting dalam menyatukan semula suatu kelopok masyarakat yang sudah lama terpisah (puitis tak?). Tapi betol laa, ngan facebook laa kitorang dapat jumpa balek.. about 97% dapat dijejaki. Selebihnya, unknown<--(tak dapat dijejak kat facebook)

poster social network. (kaitkan ngan filem terbaru..hehe)

Sume pon dah besar2 skang. Especially dak2 laki. Warghh~ memang laen gle aah masing2! Wuhh memang dah xkenal kot. HAHA! Gurl, boleh lagik laa..ade gak rupa..maseh boleh dicam. hok3~

Banyak dah pegi luar negara. Wahh ebat2 lahh kawan2 sume! Saya maseh di Malaysia. hehe~ dulu sama2 berhingus, bising2, gadoh2, poyo2..skang masing2 dah berpecah..ikot haluan sendiri. Bervariasi. Doc-to-be, engineer-to-be, teacher-to-be etc.. Masing2 berusaha mengikut jalan yang dipilih. Masing2 sedang berjalan menuju kejayaan. 

Kawan2, korang camne? Masih kuat kah anda?.. Ada yang bagus & ada yang tengah struggle to keep walking. I know it wasn't just me. Mesti ramai gak yang tengah berusaha kan?.. Kengkadang penat, jatuh, rasa cam nak givap. Tapi tu sume just a part of the journey. There's still a long way to go. Bangun2!! Jangan sedey. Smile & get back on your feet. Jom kita sama2 berusaha. Tho we're on the same trail like we used to, but we're heading to the same goal. To achieve victory. Ntuk dapatkan apa yang kita nak. Ntuk capai apa yang kita usahakan. Ntuk capai impian. Ntuk berjaya.  
                                                    

(Kat bawah ni seterusnya & sebenarnya secara langsung & tidak langsung adalah motivasi ntuk diri snirik)..

Walau susah cane pon, sekali pon kamu jatuh, jangan terus menangis. Past is past. There's nothing you can do to change it anyway. Even if you have time machine, boleh guna ke time machine kamu tu? =__=|| if yes, show me. If not, tak payah dok gatai2 bersedih2 lama2, ilang semangat sume. Bangun! Yes kamu taw apa yang baik ntuk kamu, tapi Allah lebih tahu apa yang TERBAIK ntuk kamu. Jadi jangan risau. Sume nye akan ok^^ Everythings happens for reasons. Trust HIM. Believe in HIM. ^^ 

Sume benda pon bukan senang sebenarnya nak dicapai. Cam life, ade ups & downs. Sabar laa ye^^

GAMBATTE!! Dah2 jangan sedey2..usaha lagi laen kali!